gaw member cheat sheet wip (7).docx

NOTE TO SELF: don't share this with anyone, it makes you look like a huge bitch
NOTE TO SELF: can't remember which of these are real
NOTE TO SELF: ???????????????????

Handle Notes
19yoFandomMom Uses hidden knitting lore to create cursed fabrics. Spent many years in various godawful fandoms, and it shows.
1badGloop Once, in a strange series of coincidences, the sheer size and pungency of a dump they took managed to shut down an entire music festival.
20dollars-isalot An incredibly talented Youtube Poop maker who has lost interest in riffing on normal media, and is looking for dangerous/supernatural videos to hone his craft further.
69_EPIC_SIXTYNINE_S3XNUMBER Got big mad about people spamming "69" and had their previous handle rescinded as punishment for being a dick. Will wear this virtual dunce cap until 2023.
9001ASpaceOdyssey Can identify the exact make and model of equipment used to produce any visual or audio effect. Aspiring science fiction author, but she's an abysmal writer.
98emoji Passively causes counting numbers in her vicinity to fluctuate. Undisputed master of "yo mama" jokes.
Alexander_AtomBomb 15-year-old polymath with a penchant for explosive chemistry. Basically a feral child, nobody knows where his parents are.
Allmytakesaregood When presented with a group of people, he can find an opinion that none of them will like. Possibly the most potent troll in GAW. Actually stupid as shit.
Ambient_Toilet Can fit into and travel through sewer systems with no ill effects. Records thousands of toilet sounds for an EP that's been coming out "this year" for the last five years.
AmenBreakfast Wrote a 35k word Breaking Bad fanfic of the same name in which Walter Jr. attends seminary school. Can levitate small objects.
Anon-kun Humanoid arrangement of decaying plant matter, world-class chocolatier, unrepentant weeaboo.
another_one Can transmute things into gold, but only while they're in her immediate vicinity. Verified on Twitter.
Anyways_StanMekhane Unsurprisingly, very good with mechanical devices. Evangelizes a little, but they're not obnoxious about it so whatever.
apes30 Can talk to any primate, but apparently his voice is incredibly annoying and they always end up getting pissed at him.
Apologizing2AllWomen Claims to have retroactively invented misogyny during a time travel experiment. Claims that going back to fix it would be impossible. He's not doing a bit, he swears.
arsenicsauce Following his latest ban, he's vowed to wage a shadow war against the GAW mods, much to the chagrin of his three girlfriends (who smoke weed).
Astr0chicken Upon his death, he will transform into a random spacecraft. Prone to flipping out at people who misuse statistics.
AUGH Only posts to react negatively to dumb or nasty shit people say. May or may not be sentient.
backupacct Any moderator who encounters her experiences an intense urge to permanently ban her. Fortunately, bones is immune to this effect.
Based_Bootlicker76 Subscribed to "Void Facts" in 2009 and has since become a dangerous reservoir of dark knowledge. Has a passion for firearm-based Rube Goldberg machines.
BatmanbinLaden Has encyclopedic knowledge of the Batman franchise, in the sense that he can manipulate the contents of encyclopedias remotely. The scourge of fandom.com.
bawitdabadabangdabangdiggydiggy In full control of his emotions with every keystroke he makes, and fuck you for suggesting otherwise. Has laser vision.
bazingum Can perform nuclear fusion just by smushing things together really hard. His record is triunoctium. Fan of sitcoms.
BigfootsAccountant Has an obscure Youtube channel where he reviews chain restaurants that don't exist and, in all likelihood, cannot exist. Do not ask him about Sonic the Hedgehog.
Birdbolter High-profile professional MtG player using a pseudonym. Passively strips all identifying information off shipping containers they come within a football field of.
Bisexxual_Genius Neither bisexual nor a genius, but is the fursona of someone who is both. Said individual does not know that their fursona is alive and chatting with strangers.
BlackQueen__FuneralCity Claims to have hooked up with Chaz Ambrose at a party once. Goth.
blowoutmyBackrooms Dedicated hoax artist with an uncanny ability to mimic the creative works of others. Derives far too much pleasure from tricking people. Horny on main.
Bob_Wire Lost/obscure media expert; physically incapable of perceiving any media that's too popular. Kinnie.
bossbabytrailerHD Once lost his shit at a spammer in the voice chat; the audio got ten million views on Youtube. Started growing new bones as a stress response, hasn't stopped since.
botherations Can make rage faces in real life. Claims to look like, and have the moves like, Mick Jagger; this is subjective.
BowsettesLawyer Fairly normal, but has a very strong preference for 2D girls. Has an aura that instills fear in people who make eye contact with him. Lawyer in real life.
BRB_dying Dies in a new way once a month and wakes up back home in bed afterwards. Uses a lot of reaction gifs.
bullshit_gravity_luck_curtain Literally only posts about JJBA. Does not accept the canonicity of Jojolion, on the grounds that he had "dibs" on the stand name 「Soft and Wet」.
BurgerB0y Thinks that Jimmy Neutron could smoke weed. Thinks that Jimmy Neutron could smoke a blunt. Thinks that Jimmy Neutron could smoke and get high. Shoots ketchup out of his eyes.
But_We-reBothGirls Makes other lesbians seem straight by comparison. Can instantly change Portuguese text to Spanish, and vice versa.
ByMGES Fire Emblem fanatic with a penchant for causing street lights to blow out. Follows RowdyHydrogenatedBoy around like a lost puppy.
CanCatsBeGay Set up a bot that mirrors all of their Google searches to the chat, then inserts chat's responses into the search results. When asked why or how they do anything, they just shrug.
carelordSUPREME Reformed channer with the ability to rip words off of screens and pages and affix them somewhere else. Uses this to get quick tattoos of any amusing insult thrown his way.
CareNLM Involuntarily boosts the gullibility of anyone she's interacting with. Once convinced bluntfiend that Petscop was real.
Car_go_licious Lives in a shipping container at the bottom of the Atlantic, pirating internet directly from an undersea cable. Likes to log on at four in the morning to sincerepost.
C4t4loni4Gurl Is actively and literally fighting for Catalonian independence. Wanted in multiple countries. Stans Loona.
catboywithaclawhammer Literally a catboy, literally has a claw hammer. Expert weaponsmith, booted out of the Marines for throwing up on the carpet.
Celery-Styx Nutritionist who specializes in the diets of supernatural beings. Likes to exaggerate the frequency and quality of his sexual encounters. Listens exclusively to butt rock.
ChadRailroads Unlimited alcohol tolerance. Holds the world record for getting kicked off of airplanes.
chilledgamermoment Hemomancer and professional violinist. Has been told explicitly not to refer to PC gamers in a certain way.
CHRISDORNERONLYFANS Really friendly, but painfully unfunny, and not on purpose either. Can create some kind of floating energy orbs, not really sure what those do yet.
circle_of_shid Italian horror movie aficionado who's doing a series of reckless demon summoning experiments in his spare time. Collects chainsaws.
Circumscizor Messes with geometry in really freaky ways. Expressly forbidden from uploading original content to the chat. Arthropod furry.
Clenis Can shapeshift into any clown that's ever existed; unfortunately, he has no talent for clowning whatsoever.
cloutb|_|ster Can detect lies, but only if she has a sample of the liar's blood. Will try to trick people into giving her their blood. Loves blood.
clowndoxxer A god-tier internet detective who sells her skills to the highest bidder. One time, without even trying, posted a picture that had Clenis's house in it.
Comet007Birdsong Has vision roughly equivalent to a high-power telescope. Writes absolute dogshit Twitter microfiction, but nobody has the heart to tell them off.
Costanza_JRPG Has spent the last four years making a Seinfeld-themed Final Fantasy Tactics Advance romhack, and is nowhere near done. Time flows about 2% faster in his vicinity.
crapple Claims to have used intense negative thoughts to kill Steve Jobs. To her credit, people who she gets pissed off at have reported feeling somewhat ill.
Crunge_ The best graphic designer around, but doesn't work for free. Claims to have never prepared food in his entire life.
DangitGrandpa A 65-year-old who streams visual novels and causes cords to get non-Euclideanly tangled. OG IRC user.
Dankriel_Meemurr Freelance clickbait writer for various content farms. Can rewind time up to six seconds into the past. Actually kind of hates Undertale.
DeadassNavigator Knows where you are right now. Gorillaz superfan.
deadlygreenlandmine Wannabe professional Starcraft player who ghostwrites video game song parodies for popular youtubers. Semi-solid.
DeepWebHitman Can play vinyl records by spinning them on his hand and using his top left canine as a stylus. Has actually killed a guy, but not for money.
demonwithashotgun Sex blogger by trade, but is mercifully not horny in chat. Pro wrestling expert. Unironically loves nightcore.
depresion Makes people listless and sad in real life; unsure whether this is magic, or they're just a drag.
DiSgUsTiNgFrEaK Has some kind of fire magic, but doesn't really like to use it. Makes posts so stupendously mundane that some people think it's a long con.
Donkey_Kong_is_dead Game designer. Convinced that PrimateDeathBunker is the harbinger of the apocalypse. No eyes, just empty sockets spewing thick smoke.
Doomguy_s-Barber Some kind of elf or gnome or something; whatever the case, they're like 3'6". Lives in an abandoned subway tunnel and eats live rats.
DoYou___Care___About___Him___ Just posts pictures of miscellaneous dudes in the chat like twice a week. Nobody remembers inviting them. Probably harmless.
DrCheeseburger Is a real doctor, and might actually have the last name 'Cheeseburger'; their personal records are (quite literally) fuzzy.
dreadpirateNathan Cosplayer with chameleon-like skin. Ironically, the fact that it's all fucked up and scaly matters a lot more than the ability to change color. Seeds hundreds of torrents.
drugs666 Vaguely unsettling guy who can touch Bitcoins. Once crashed the market briefly by dropping some under his couch.
dud3wipes Preaches from the "dudes rock" gospel. Usually playing whatever game is most popular on Reddit at the moment. Technically dead, but he's fine.
DVNO Makes good use of their supernatural stamina by going to raves six nights a week. Will sell you ketamine if you're not careful.
EastCoastEncounters Uses their powers — the exact nature of which they keep confidential — to run a successful matchmaking service. It only works in real life, supposedly.
eggswap If you have to ask, you don't want to know. Can objectively determine whether an image is cursed, blessed, both, or neither.
ElonMusksPlumber Started the "[person]'s [occupation]" username trend. Bernie Sanders endorsing Biden was 9/11 for him. Internal body temp of 67oF.
Eminem Likes to freestyle in the chat. It's almost annoying, but he's pretty good at it so people cut him some slack.
EpicNihilist Necromancer who has been trying to engineer a resurgence of "epic bacon"-style memes, purely out of spite.
EpicVirgin_5 Surrounded by a force field that prevents anyone from touching him. Neither a virgin nor epic. Dated Regicider for a while and now things are very awkward.
Failprogeny Resident perma-NEET and podcast gremlin. Has a magically soothing radio voice, but stutters too much to really make use of it.
FleetwouldMac Can permanently join objects together without causing problems, unless they're like alive or something, in which case it's weird. Raps about hentai.
ForeskinGaming_YT Used to have a normal name, but they lost a bet with Glompunist. When asked whether they're circumcised, they said it was "complicated".
foreveraloneGenghis Lives somewhere in the Himalayas, posts really awesome panoramas from there. Runs the official GAW Minecraft server. Bad at flirting.
fuck Mostly exists to irritate people whose chat client highlights any instance of someone's username. Can teleport any loaf of bread to his location.
Fungal-Pops Creates supernaturally comfy pillow forts. Tells great virtual campfire stories. Would like to remind you to subscribe to her Patreon for special bonus content.
Funny Lives in some kind of immeasurably huge warehouse full of miscellaneous objects. Claims not to have seen a living organism in six years. Nobody talks to him if they can help it.
GangsterSponge6o6 Telepath whose drive to accumulate cash is balanced out by a persistent bad luck curse. Writes a lot of fanfiction.
GasGassGasss Collector of obscure and experimental musical instruments. Only listens to eurobeat. Has eight huge wings.
gayreptile 300-year-old dragon with a love of gold and fine wine. Doesn't really get what anyone is talking about; nobody's sure why he bothered joining.
gimmeDAgorbage Unabashed fan of the most godawful network dramas that Hollywood can shit out. Earth's ambassador to the Galactic Council.
Glompunist Maintains a huge archive of nineties internet graphics which he can animate to serve as digital spies and saboteurs. Has very strong opinions on web design and vanguardism.
Goblin_Stance Can instantly change what type of joint any of their joints are. Free solo rock climber. So good at party games that they're straight up not invited to Jackbox night.
goodMorning_Sundaymorning Got special mod permission to play devil's advocate, because he actually takes the job seriously and is really good at it. Has mildly hallucinogenic breath.
GOODRA_IS_FEMALE Pervert.
gr44ph11c55c44rdb00x44rtb44b33 Some kind of digital alien person thing. Very flirtatious, but they don't understand any human language well enough to snag anyone.
GravyYoda Can eat anything, but only sheet metal provides sustenance. Has consumed a nonzero amount of human flesh, consensually. Defends the prequels.
Grey_City_gardener Has a Youtube channel where he talks into the camera for hours at a time about how cancer is actually good. Claims that it's ironic.
guestinthischannel Uses their knack for identifying controversial topics to plunge communities they don't like into flame wars. Hasn't caused problems in GAW yet, but nobody trusts them anyways.
Gurt_locker Things happen to him for, quite literally, no reason whatsoever. The scourge of wannabe precognitives everywhere. Furry artist.
HankHillsAsscheeks Occultist who is working on a critical reevaluation of the Necronomicon. Gets along really well with goats.
harambesmasseuse Fun to hang out with if you pretend he isn't a pyromaniac. When confronted about his firesetting, he said "get dunked on" and did a stupid little dance.
HellCrime_-_CriminalHime If someone confesses a wrongdoing to her, they immediately stop feeling guilty about it. Likes to trick people into admitting things they actually should regret. More than a bit of a diva.
HellWorldMaximum Can crack open the ground with great force. Once created a volcano while drunk. The obnoxious kind of nihilist.
Help_ImTrappedInAUsername Communicates exclusively by changing her handle. Purportedly, she uses a similar method in real life. Nice once you get to know her.
HermanFullofhimself Ran away from the circus at age six. 3/16ths clown. Straight-edge.
HexMix Grows rare and mystical herbs to use in arcane potions. Kidnapped a single guy like six years ago and has never heard the end of it, even though she let him go and said she was sorry.
HoesMad_x48_ Do not ask him if he is "the dildo guy". Do not accuse of him of being "the dildo guy". Do not offer to "shape up yuor (sic) dildo".
Holder_of_the_Lunch Legend has it that if you follow a very specific ritual, he will give you a really good sandwich. Dare you enter his magical realm?
homoghey2 Collects seashells and uses them to bring mollusks back to life. Has denied allegations that his apartment is covered in a thin layer of sand.
HotTubHetero Could/can/will be able to sap vital energy from nearby organisms. Through timeline shenanigans, had/has/will have about a billion children. Dubiously human.
Humiiiideous Can make characters from different shows interact by physically gluing DVDs together. Mostly uses this ability to create porn.
ImaginePartyDragonz A common test of loyalty for rambunctious GAWers is to attend one of his improv comedy shows. He'll even go to your house and put one on for you. The police can't stop him.
IMATROOP_GOTTALOVEME Others have plumbed the depths of irony further, but none of them have skirted the banhammer. Haunts a US military base and openly fantasizes about poisoning them all.
I-m_At_Soup Gremlin who watches children's cartoons half the day and posts about them the other half. Really loves memes, and will avoid sabotaging people who make good ones.
ImHanSolo Can be completely invisible to machines when she wants to be. Works in corporate espionage. Has the moves like Mick Jagger, but does not look like him.
infiniteCopDimension Will do voice acting in exchange for the treats that show up in your pocket after talking to him. Once, inexplicably, showed up in one of circle_of_shid's summoning circles.
ingredience Much nicer to plants than to people. Really wants GAW to start a commune. Can separate mixtures into their original components.
IOwnASword Owns a sword.
istartedBrambleBlasting Terrormancer who is (usually) more interested in remixing Donkey Kong tracks than scaring the living shit out of people. One of the major reasons to give GAW a wide berth.
Jefferson_Steelflex Can shape metal with his bare hands. Wants nothing more than a duel against a worthy opponent, except maybe a gf.
jejhammer Great at finding obscure cranks, quacks, and other such misguided people. Can transform into any kind of machine whose mechanisms he understands.
JoeRogansprivatechef Every room he enters smells like a hardware store. Owns the collected works of Emily Dickinson narrated on vinyl.
Jotaros__Hat Whenever he says something stupid, people will spam "Jotaro shat" until he gets mad and leaves.
Khraughtwurch Has been posting in iambic pentameter for four months now and nobody's bothered to comment on it. Supposedly some sort of rabbit hivemind, but he's never posted pics.
knot-so-grump Furry.
KnucklesAndMorty Was originally just a chatbot that would substitute the word "Knuckles" into random phrases, but is now sentient for some reason. Does not chuckle.
komaedawithagun Can summon tangible, but strictly holographic and largely useless, weapons. Has tried to join the Crips on four occasions, failing each time because he's a huge pussy.
LankyTeapot A haunted doll with years of moderating experience under her belt. Will consult on policy and/or nursery rhyme-related issues. Hangs out with cloutb|_|ster IRL a lot.
littlenumbernines Can make his namesake appear in the bottom corner of documents. Went to Heaven once, but came back. Does a shitload of cocaine.
lizardF_4_fishF Practical effects wizard (figuratively speaking) who is notoriously terrible at spelling. Usually willing to consult on video projects as long as you don't have bad vibes.
Lolrus Hamfistedly attempting to build a clique to wrest influence away from bluntfiend, jj, etc. Can freeze objects in time and space, and sometimes unfreeze them.
LuigiExceptFuckedUp Can injure video game characters permanently. Likes doing so.
Marys_Roommate Excises a particular concept from reality while they're around, but nobody's sure which. Hopefully it's nothing important. Popular on OnlyFans.
MasudaMethodist Hears errors, glitches, or other faults as an obnoxious screeching. Explosives expert. Shiny hunter.
mayor_petes_dog_groomer Spends 6 hours a day on Twitter, has 45 followers, and takes a screenshot every time someone blocks him. Dogs can talk to him, but he can't talk back.
MelonTrip Plays personal details close to the vest, but claims to work in the field of artificial intelligence. Big fan of puzzle games.
Menger_Spongebob Automatically rearranges any building they enter. Only goes online when they can find their computer. Makes cool fractal visualizations.
Merzb0ner A banshee that posts incredibly detailed analyses of turn-based strategy games. Forbidden from sharing audio files.
MetalHEALTH Brings his guitar to the voice chat. Can tell whether women are smiling even if he can't see them. Hard at work developing a digital version of manspreading.
metallicalover Every time he flips a coin, it lands on its edge. More of a prog rock guy these days. Tankie.
Miami_dog_coroner Convinced that GAW is a government-run psyop, and is only present to keep an eye on the feds. Is mostly kept around to be a target of mockery.
MicrosoftChad All of his messages, even if they're just text, take up like 10MB. Whenever he posts, at least one person's chat client starts scaling weird and gets all blurry.
M-I-L-K Can turn into an intangible cow at will. Never runs out of things to say about Fairly Oddparents.
MindControlled--Gorilla In a coma, but can remotely control mammals to act in her stead. Changes her handle to reflect what, exactly, she's possessing.
MISSINGYES Can't fit round receipts in square callout posts.
Moderngayfuckingstupid Runs the Twitter feeds of a few unnamed luxury car brands. Desperately hopes that nobody finds his old machinima.
moneycoin Has the ability to communicate with… something. He says they're angels, but nobody really believes him. Might grant you a boon if you're really nice to him.
MormonJesus Specializes in harnessing Akiva-like radiation and just generally being a pain in the ass to God(s). Responsible for keeping the "#hell" channel from eternally damning the entire server. Agnostic.
MoveTruck_GetCat Trying to revive the lost art of spreading rumors about video games. It would help if he was remotely good at lying.
Mr_Hungry_Ate_My_Balls Has been keeping tabs on Dr. Wondertainment using a funnyscope. Is very lucky that nobody in GAW recognizes him from his Usenet days.
nekoBiden Everyone makes the mistake of thinking his handle is ironic until he regales them with his Nancy Pelosi headcanons.
NOISES Some kind of giant carnivorous insect with lots of clicky and buzzy and slimy parts. It's not at all clear how she can use a computer. Forms a power couple with Circumscizor.
normalnumberofjaws Former member of the Institute for Esoteric Medicine. A freak homeopathy accident made it so his body mutates in response to magnetic fields. Collects cat gifs.
nude_barn_owl GAW's official archivist, responsible for locating and documenting all notable posts and events. Has been spotted in chat at all hours, may or may not ever sleep.
nugg3t Farms 'hydrachickens', which are equally good for eggs and pharmaceuticals, provided you know how to properly decapitate them. Keeps a copy of the Little Red Book on his nightstand.
Nutty_Hootes Currently venturing through alternate dimensions to identify novel and esoteric geological formations. Has been banned from nine distinct iterations of Something Awful.
OhYeah-MrKrabs Can perfectly mimic the sound of shattering glass with his voice. Produces free sound effects to post online. Pretty cool.
original_poster Like a reverse image search engine, except with 100% accuracy. Has a side project where he tracks down and catalogues magical hentai.
pajanimas Claims that their voice is addictive; mute by choice. Very active in chat, and will not hesitate to share the details of their fucked up home life.
PaperPlates64 Can talk to electronic devices, but consistently strikes out with them. Totally uninterested in her numerous human admirers. Platonically into retro games.
partyfungus Mycomancer with debilitating social anxiety. Kind of has school shooter vibes, but hasn't actually said or done anything violent.
PearlFromSU Master of all types of edged weapon. Retired assassin who will probably get around to putting her blood money towards a good cause, eventually. Does not tolerate doubles.
Picardesque Fancies himself a dashing, roguish outlaw; is mostly just a literature geek who can make finger guns to set things on fire. Admittedly, he is kinda hot.
Pink_Panther_Party Claims to have been Alexander Hamilton in a past life, and has some pretty convincing kin memories to back it up.
politicalFurry Can take intangible things from people as trophies when he defeats them. Really is a furry, but doesn't care about politics.
PopeOfPain Automatically generates a cool new hat whenever he takes one off. Has been trying to get his "CBD Recovery Lotion" business off the ground for two years.
PrimateDeathBunker If he asks someone for "ape kill strats", they are compelled to respond to the best of their ability. Almost no personality otherwise; may or may not be sentient. Immune to the banhammer.
Q-Anon_asexual Barely coherent, but in like a performance art way. Hopefully.
Quicksandguy Can turn any soil into quicksand. Very tired of being mistaken for a fetishist. Doomsday prepper.
racistFeministwithanAttitude Finds extremely weird bugs without even trying. Once dropped a huge beetle on Jeffrey Epstein's foot and he flipped out. Will not explain her handle.
radioactive_mint Writes really good microfic, but is too shy to post it anywhere except the chat. Voted GAW's "smollest plant boy" in 2018.
Reaganomicon Wrote the definitive academic treatment of neoliberalism's effect on anomalous communities. Widowed when her husband fell off a blimp, has a good sense of humor about it.
Regicider The most critically acclaimed rapper in GAW. Has a one-sided feud with the British royal family, who has issued a restraining order against him.
RichardChappell17k You must be aware that his hand was forced. White boys in his vicinity will, seemingly by coincidence, dress identically to him.
rogueastro|oger Expelled from the broader astrology movement for her unorthodox theories; will gladly talk your ear off about the whole fiasco.
RowdyHydrogenatedBoy Cuts and pastes parts of images to make funny memes. Incredibly talented at this one specific format, no interest or aptitude for other forms of comedy. 2250 ELO ranking in chess.
russianbot_slash_troll Gets into fights with Facebook randos every day, and even wins some of them. Self-described "dumbest generalized AI ever created".
Sally__the__graverobber Can sniff out treasure and lost souls; collects both. Tends to develop strong crushes on chat members who barely know her.
sarkicmommy1930 Unofficial chat mom, and not just because of the handle. Was humanoid at one point, supposedly. Whether she qualifies as a "milf" is a matter of some debate.
SCARY_TORTELLINI Can effortlessly open portals between any two points, but only under extreme duress. Has license to nag people about keeping good opsec as much as he deems necessary. Strictly ironic fan of creepypasta.
ScrappyLobster Can cleanly extract objects from inside other objects, without regard for the intervening material. Used to work in the organ trafficking business.
secretbitch_ Can do ventriloquism, except for real; deliberately vague about his maximum range. Has an incredibly thick Glaswegian accent. 20dollars-isalot's biggest fan.
SendMeCashewPics Booted out of the SCP Foundation for gross incompetence, but the amnestic didn't take. GAW's Mario Kart champion for three years running.
SendMeWizardPics Does general forms of magic, dresses like a wizard in real life. Honestly thought more people would jump on the "Send Me X Pics" naming trend.
sevenelevensGate Can fall asleep anywhere, in any position, on command. Hangs around in gas station parking lots.
SEWERMAN Has never actually joined the server, or even spoken to anyone in it, but is somehow "there". Bad things happen to people who investigate this.
Sexy_Vampire Actually incapable of realizing that time has progressed past 2009. Doesn't age, mature, or really change as a person, save for accumulating memories. Emo.
Shes_A_Killer Stage actress with a flair for the dramatic that goes beyond performance. Has been charged for murder on nine separate occasions, and was acquitted each time.
shitsFUCKEDsir Posts a lot of selfies from inside the Pentagon, and sometimes shares classified information. Isn't even sure how they're still alive. Catholic.
SimpingForISIS Wants to try popping a single popcorn kernel with a lighter, but doesn't want to tear open a whole bag just to do it, and doesn't like popcorn enough to make the bag normally and try it on the unpopped kernels. Metaphysically shirtless.
slut4cryptids The first GAW member to date the Mothman, and the only one to bang the Jersey Devil.
SmillWith All serious bets go through them, thanks to their ability to enforce the terms of any contract. Too shit at math to set odds, though. Looks a lot like Will Smith.
Smooth_bySantana Listens to Smooth by Santana on repeat literally all day and nothing else. As in, anything he hears will become Smooth. Fortunately, he likes the song.
Snapewife Can channel fictional characters for brief periods of time. Used to take it seriously, but now mostly does it as a party trick. Is under a standing order to not antagonize the kinnies.
SocialJaundiceWarrior Retweeted a picture of an anthropomorphic goat transforming into a pool toy and hasn't lived it down since. Podcaster.
spaghettisandwich Logs on every morning to say "Good morning!" and every night to say "Good night!", but does not post otherwise. Far and away the most popular member.
Spider_m0m Big fan of all things creepy and/or crawly, and they're big fans of her. Aspiring supervillain who has developed several novel forms of evil laughter.
SpreeKiller Just a chill dude who's nice to have around.
Squid_ish Can summon 10m-long tentacles out of anywhere. Would like everyone to get their heads out of the gutter. Unironically loves creepypasta.
StopListeningToFolkPunk Her hands secrete an adhesive that lets her climb on any surface like a gecko. Browses /mu/ too much.
StopListeningToSLTFP Really resents being told to stop listening to folk punk. Her hair grows at 20x the rate of a normal human's.
superholler The most commercially successful rapper in GAW. Actual real-life himbo. Can summon animals with his voice.
SwampLadInDanger Likes to post very obvious thirst traps every few days or so. Owns a lot of jean shorts. Lives in the Everglades and has formed an alliance with the local gators.
sweaty Can 100% accurately predict which ships are going to become canonical in any media. Suspiciously keen on the "friends to lovers" trope.
TakeAwayTheLsOfTheWorld Did you recently get owned online? Are you turning into a corncob as we speak? For fifty bucks, he can change that.
talking_pirate_skull Finds weird magic bones in unexpected places. Has a running bit where he explains the joke of every @dril tweet in detail. Posts out-of-context Scooby Doo clips.
TerrorismPNG terrorism.png
theGrink Nobody ever remembers talking to him, but the logs consistently show him in the chat bantering with people. Cagey about personal details.
thepolyamorousGTAfan Resident skin care expert. Has dated more members of GAW than anyone else, and it's not even close.
theSocietyGenius Can predict social trends by breaking bottles against her own head and reading the shards like tea leaves. Somehow still alive.
THEEwhiteyoutuber Very minor sun deity that emits blinding light. Probably has, at any given time, a tummy ache from eating an entire bag of those gummy worms that have candy shells.
TOMBSTONER Can effortlessly pick up and throw any kind of grave marker. Once mentioned being attracted to the Noid, and has never lived it down. Crunkcore revivalist.
T00thPudding Once posted a video that accidentally showed her boyfriend's weird dick.
trapped_in_RAINBOW_CUBE Completely normal, save for occasional screaming and begging to be "let out". Has a really glitchy webcam.
TreadOnMe Can detect leylines, and even block them if he's feeling particularly self-destructive. Tries to discuss politics, but his serious emotional problems make it just kind of sad.
treasonator Is, at any given time, aware of the most effective means of committing treason available to him. Has never cleaned his refrigerator.
uhhHhHH Knowledgeable about all forms of historical atrocity. Has an iron stomach when it comes to seeing mass graves. Able to hear the worst event that has ever happened anywhere he goes.
unacceptableBehavior Can do the Inception thing, but gets mad when you call it that. Looks like Mick Jagger, but does not have the moves like him.
Uncle_Puncher Designs supernatural instant ramen flavors for a living; will offer unsolicited cooking tips and meal judgments. Chat is hotly divided on whether her angsty JJBA fanfic is good.
VainGuy_from_the_song Artists will subconsciously channel their feelings towards him into their work; Carly Simon remains unaffected. His profile picture is a photo of him with Elizabeth Warrren.
Valid_to_eat_driftwood Claims to "like the taste". Offers online scuba diving classes. Can commune with horses.
Voldemortfucker Wants to clarify, for the record, that his exact words were that "Ralph Fiennes lookin kinda fine", which does not necessarily translate to an attraction to Voldemort, as Ralph Fiennes is a reasonably handsome actor, and also he wasn't looking at a picture of Voldemort when he said that, because he had searched for unaltered Ralph Fiennes pictures after the Voldemort picture had been posted and was responding to that, and furthermore,
Walter19034753 Acts like a clueless old person who doesn't understand how to use a computer, but nobody buys it. Knows things about people that he should have no way of knowing.
WayvvardTroper Chronic hitchhiker who has visited over 60 countries and speaks over 70 languages. Every story they tell is self-aggrandizing and obviously fake.
Why_didyouUnfollow Is able to perceive when someone imagines them in a hypothetical scenario, such as this one. Incredibly offputting, but not on purpose.
WIZARDS_IS_KILL_MAGIsc Copypasta collector with a tendency to deploy said collection at desperately inappropriate times. Hasn't been caught writing any material of their own. Translucent.
World-at-Warcraft OG WoW player. Really loves murlocs. The epitome of "is he bothering you, queen?".
Xaviers_Clown-College Has access to the government warehouse where they keep the shadow memes. Professional juggler.
XCOM_giveittoya Likes to tell elaborate stories that are just setups for contrived song lyric puns. Mostly targets newbies, having burned every established user multiple times.
Yiffany The most talented rapper in GAW. Uses this ability for evil. Can teleport to the nearest loaf of bread.
yoemukA A miserable freak.
YouAre_NOT_Cool Ex-AWCY?. Technically skilled in basically every form of art, but can only produce content that's painfully cringe. The hottest guy in GAW by a long shot.
YourWifesYogaInstructor Claims to have the ability to "fuck your wife". Can actually only fuck your second cousins. Washed out of the army for stealing a brownie.
yung_pang0lin Can curl up into an impenetrable ball and roll around like Samus. Shares a lot of bad posts from big meme subreddits.
ZOINKS Totally inaudible. Doesn't get along with GasGassGasss, and thus has nobody to talk about eurobeat with.
z_ylophone The sole inhabitant of a post-apocalyptic version of Earth, interacting with our reality through a single nickel-sized portal. It's not entirely clear whether his future is ours.

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