SCP-C076. Photo was taken under the pretense of documenting "night fashion".

Item #: SCP-C076

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-C076 currently resides at the United Oil 76 gas station on Arlington Avenue in Los Angeles, California. To entice SCP-C076 to remain in place, a 35% discount on Newport-brand menthol cigarettes has been subsidized for this station only. Law enforcement, as well as the station's proprietors and employees, have been instructed not to interfere with SCP-C076. They have also been advised to overlook minor (<1 USD) shortfalls when SCP-C076 attempts to make purchases.

A Foundation agent posing as the store's manager is to make conversation with SCP-C076 at least once per week to identify any changes to its nature and/or any plans to change location. If necessary, the agent should dissuade SCP-C076 from leaving.

Description: SCP-C076 is a human male, apparently in its late 20's. SCP-C076 is capable of instantly disappearing from its current location and reappearing in the parking lot of any gas station, though it has a strong preference for those with attached convenience stores. If SCP-C076 is taken anywhere other than a gas station, its parking lot, or its convenience store, it will immediately teleport to the nearest such establishment.

When left to its own devices, SCP-C076 will loiter in gas station parking lots indefinitely, showing no need for rest. It will periodically enter a convenience store to purchase food and cigarettes, use its restrooms, or (on rare occasion) for miscellaneous reasons. It has not visibly aged since its identification in 2007 and has suffered no apparent ill effects from its lifestyle, though it does walk with a slight limp. Tissue samples and excrement from SCP-C076 show no abnormalities.

While SCP-C076 will generally remain wherever it is currently located, it may teleport to a different parking lot when faced with inclement weather, inquiries from law enforcement, a lack of its preferred cigarettes, and other disturbances. Despite this apparently deliberate behavior, SCP-C076 claims to have no knowledge of any anomalous abilities, offering excuses or going on unrelated tangents when pressed on the matter.

SCP-C076 carries the following items on its person at all times:

  • A worn leather wallet, containing miscellaneous gift cards in small denominations, as well as a single 'Joker' playing card. When SCP-C076 enters a convenience store, a small amount of the appropriate currency (between 5 and 15 USD) will appear in the wallet.
  • A silver Zippo lighter, with a drawing of a skull crudely etched into the side. It has not been observed to run out of fuel or degrade in function despite over 15 years of regular use.
  • A non-functional iPhone 3G. Cursory attempts to repair it have failed, and SCP-C076 has refused to relinquish it for closer examination.
  • Several food and gum wrappers of variable nature.
  • A pair of glasses with corrective lenses.

If any of these objects are removed from SCP-C076's person, they will return to it the next time it teleports.

SCP-C076 will introduce itself as "Seth", refusing to provide a surname or other concrete identifying information. It claims to have several friends, a long-term girlfriend, family, etc. but has not provided sufficiently detailed information to locate any of them. When asked about its current situation, it will claim to have only been out for several hours, despite considerable evidence to the contrary.

While SCP-C076 has declined to participate in more in-depth testing, all information available suggests that it has a mild temperament and mundane psychological profile.

Addendum: Weekly SCP-C076 check-in, 2019-03-31

<Begin Log>

SCP-C076 is wandering around the United Oil 76's parking lot, eating from a can of Rotisserie Chicken-flavored Pringles. He nods when Agent Burns approaches, but does not otherwise acknowledge her.

Agent Burns: Hey there, Seth. How's it going?

SCP-C076: Good, good. You know, I heard someone say earlier that Pringles tubes are inefficient.

Agent Burns: Yeah?

SCP-C076: Yeah, and I'm just thinking like, Pringles are the most efficient way to store chips, right? When with normal chips, there's just a ton of air in there. But the Pringles all stack together. It's crazy.

Agent Burns: Really, the problem is that they're hard to get out of the tube without breaking.

SCP-C076: I mean, it's not that hard, you just gotta use some finesse. I got a good trick for it, actually. Like here, watch.

SCP-C076 cups his hand below the opening of the can, then gently tilts the can towards himself until the chips barely begin sliding towards the opening; he slowly spins the tube clockwise when the chips stop moving, eventually allowing a few chips to enter his hand, along with several broken chip pieces and a number of crumbs.

SCP-C076: Ah, shit, it usually works better than that. Maybe this one's a weird batch. (SCP-C076 eats the chips, allowing some crumbs to spill onto his shirt.)

Agent Burns: So, what's new with you?

SCP-C076: Nothing much.

Agent Burns: Cool. Got anything going on today?

SCP-C076: Nah.

<Extended silence. SCP-C076 finishes eating the chips and discards the can in a waste bin.>

Agent Burns: So, uh, you sure like to hang out here a lot.

SCP-C076: Yeah, I guess.

Agent Burns: Got a lot of time on your hands?

SCP-C076: I dunno, time's weird. I try not to think about it too much.

Agent Burns: I mean like, do you have any responsibilities?

SCP-C076: Well, yeah, course I do. I need to pick up my dad's meds later, plus I got a bunch of little siblings to keep an eye on…

Agent Burns: Ahh, gotcha. Oldest child problems?

SCP-C076: Yeah, more or less.

Agent Burns: Makes sense. I can see why you'd need a break from all that.

SCP-C076: Tell me about it. There's always some stupid new crisis or weird problem going on, and it's nice to just go somewhere you know what you're gonna get.

Agent Burns: I wouldn't be too sure about that, we're getting that new flavor of Monster next week.

SCP-C076: Oh shit, for real? The uh, the Ultra Gold?

Agent Burns: Yeah. I mean, it all tastes like battery acid to me, but maybe you'll like it.

SCP-C076: Nah, battery acid tastes way different.

Agent Burns: You've tasted battery acid?

SCP-C076: Yeah, have you ever licked the flat end of a battery? It's like copper except way more intense.

Agent Burns: That's not battery acid, though. Battery acid is the stuff inside the battery. The outside is just metal.

SCP-C076: Then why does it taste like that?

Agent Burns: I think it's an electricity thing?

SCP-C076: Huh.

<SCP-C076 retrieves his lighter and a pack of cigarettes from his pocket; he silently offers the pack to Agent Burns, who holds up a hand to refuse.>

SCP-C076: But yeah, other than that, this place's been the same as long as I can remember.

Agent Burns: You've been coming here for a long time?

SCP-C076: Since I was a little kid. Actually, my first memory is coming here with my mom to get some medicine.

Agent Burns: No kidding?

<SCP-C076 lights a cigarette and begins to smoke.>

SCP-C076: Yeah, I remember Michael was working the cash register… he said we'd have to come back later.

Agent Burns: Must've been before my time, 'cause we don't have anyone named Michael.

SCP-C076: Huh.

<Extended silence. SCP-C076 scratches an unidentified symbol into the gravel with his shoe, as well a skull and crossbones.>

SCP-C076: You ever think about, like, the end of the world?

Agent Burns: I try not to.

SCP-C076: Same here.


Agent Burns: Well, I gotta head back.

<Agent Burns leaves. SCP-C076 resumes his normal routine.>

<End Log>

rating: +12+x
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