Item #: SCP-C213
Object Class: Pending
Containment Status: SCP-C213 is currently being investigated for anomalous properties. It is patrolled regularly by a joint task force comprised of personnel from the Foundation and the US Department of Energy.
SCP-C213-1 is kept at Secure Data Storage Site R-14.
Description: SCP-C213 is the non-operational Experimental Beryllium Oxide Reactor (EBOR) facility at the Idaho National Laboratory.1 While SCP-C213 has not displayed any anomalous properties, its contents and current state are incongruous with the level of security at the INL and are likely of anomalous origin. As such, it has been granted an SCP designation on a provisional basis until its nature can be established.
The only external modification to SCP-C213 is the inclusion of a large banner made of construction paper, reading "HARD CORE VAMPIRE SEXY VAMPIRE VIDEOS FREE DOWNLOAD FREE ENTRY PORN". The banner was affixed to the facility's exterior using coagulated human blood.2 All ground-floor entrances were barricaded with massive piles of desiccated Geospiza septentrionalis3 specimens when SCP-C213 was discovered; the banner and finches were removed for secrecy and ease of access, respectively.
At time of recovery, SCP-C213's interior was 10°C warmer than the local outdoor temperature, and was at 100% relative humidity; the air was noted to be tinged red. Analysis indicates that the vapor was composed primarily of human sweat and small amounts of blood. Atmospheric oxygen levels were below average, but not dangerous in the short term. All windows to the facility had been sealed shut and painted over.
SCP-C213's non-load-bearing interior walls had uneven surfaces and had experienced noticeable decay. Examination suggests that any given section of wall was ejaculated on until it was mostly covered in semen, sprayed with blood and saliva, and then plastered over, with the process repeated 2-7 times. Additionally, many thinner walls had pairs of holes crudely carved into them 0.9m-1.3m above the ground.
The main entrance hall to SCP-C213 had been fashioned into a theater-like area with enough sofas and futons present to seat about 200 viewers; these pieces of furniture were all heavily stained with bodily fluids. The stage contained an antique pipe organ (German, cca. 1400 CE) that had been modified to work as a sampler in addition to its normal function. When a key is pressed, the organ will play both the expected note and a sound clip from its built-in soundboard. At the time of recovery, its samples consisted of various sexual sounds, recordings of bat colonies, and "evil" laughter.
A copy of sheet music for Bach's The Toccata and Fugue in D minor, BWV 565 was present, but rendered illegible and stuck to the organ's music rack by a massive quantity of dried blood. No other sheet music was located.
Two storage areas in SCP-C213's basement were filled from floor to ceiling with wooden coffins of varying design, ranging from 15 to 600 years old. 194 coffins in total were recovered; scuffing on their exteriors suggests that they had been rubbed against one another extensively. All had blood stains in areas corresponding to the head and/or upper torso; 83 of them had stains from sexual fluids on the interior of their lids, generally near the midsection.
Thirteen adult human skulls, all dated to ~700 CE, were found in metal buckets scattered across SCP-C213; the canine teeth of each had been replaced with hollow, fang-like prostheses of modern construction. Evidence suggests that the buckets had been filled with vaginal discharge and that the skulls were submerged in this discharge for an extended period of time.
At time of recovery, all water fixtures in SCP-C213 had been completely blocked by masses of personal lubricants and contraceptive devices. Removing these blockages resulted in the discovery of additional blockages comprised of various macrophallic dildos, many of which had plastic fangs affixed to the tip. Removing the secondary blockages revealed a vast reservoir of blood filling most of SCP-C213's plumbing.
The space in which the reactor was originally located had been stripped of any pre-existing objects and fixtures, resulting in a large, empty, undecorated room. The sole item of note was a 6.3m tall, five-tiered wooden platform in the center of the room, surrounded by a pentagram drawn on the floor in blood. The platform held a number of devices (designated SCP-C213-1) arranged in various phallic and yonic configurations.
SCP-C213-1 refers to 3.5 petabytes of vampire-themed erotic media found in SCP-C213, as well as the 4,831 electronic data storage devices on which they are spread. This includes over a million works in at least 52 languages, including text, images, videos, and games. SCP-C213-1's content varies widely in size, style, sexual focus, and (subjective) quality. All major interpretations of vampires from folklore and modern fiction are present.
While they often refer to known media and characters, none of the works that comprise SCP-C213-1 have been found to originate outside of it. All information pertaining to authorship has been stripped from SCP-C213-1, and none are recognizable as works by known creators. SCP-C213-1 has no known anomalous properties.
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| Detail of "dracula.png", 1:7,000,000 scale. |
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The highest tier of the shrine held only one item: a unique solid-state drive that was apparently made from scratch. The sole file on this drive is "dracula.png", a crude digital drawing of Count Dracula stating "I vant to suck your nuts!" (sic) while holding his erect penis. It is 9.1 terabytes in size and measures 2.14 billion pixels on each side, making it the largest single file in SCP-C213-1. No commercially available software is capable of producing an image of this size. It has been tentatively designated SCP-C213-1A.
Addendum: Recovery
On 2014-06-16, law enforcement in Idaho Falls, Idaho received an emergency call from an unidentified individual who repeated the phrase "Vampire fuck" without pause for 31 minutes. The call was traced to the EBOR; as special clearance is required to access the Idaho National Laboratory, the call was forwarded to the INL for handling.
INL personnel who approached the facility reported an overpowering stench which became unbearable within roughly 15 meters; ambient radiation levels were found to be negligible. At this time, the Department of Energy contacted the Foundation. Mobile Task Force Delta-31 "Delta Dawn" was deployed to SCP-C213 with appropriate protective equipment to investigate.
Exploration of SCP-C213 did not reveal the presence of humans, nor evidence of permanent human habitation. The originator of the emergency call has not been found.