SCP-C869
mike.jpg
File photo of SCP-C869.

Item #: SCP-C869

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-C869 is kept under house arrest at his residence in Hog Ridge, Indiana. SCP-C869 is required to wear an electronic ankle tag at all times; removing the tag or leaving his property at any time will be grounds for transferal to full Foundation custody.

SCP-C869's wife is allowed to live with SCP-C869, provided that she refrain from disclosing his anomalous properties to anyone else. A request filed by the couple to raise children is currently under review.

Description: SCP-C869 is a 30-year-old human male named Michael Concord. Prior to containment, SCP-C869 served as mayor of Hog Ridge, Indiana from 2014-2020 and was a Republican member of the Indiana legislature from 2020-2024. SCP-C869 has two distinct, and apparently unrelated, anomalous properties.

Firstly, SCP-C869 is capable of low-level, broad-scope reality bending. In general, this manifests as alterations to chemical and biological processes. Situation-specific occult rituals are required for SCP-C869 to affect materials on a macroscopic scale; thus, SCP-C869's abilities are limited by his knowledge of occult practices. SCP-C869 reports that this anomalous ability began to manifest when he was nine years old.

Secondly, any photograph of SCP-C869 will be defaced by a variety of insults, criticisms, and crude suggestions pertaining to SCP-C869's political career and personal character. These messages manifest on both digital and physical copies, and will reappear if they are removed or obscured. This phenomenon abruptly appeared on April 1st, 2024.

SCP-C869 recalls spending a significant portion of his youth and young adulthood associating with other anomalous youth while attempting to hone his reality-bending abilities. SCP-C869 has been forthcoming about this activity and has provided useful information about these individuals to the Foundation.

Addendum: Chat logs originating from an IRC server affiliated with Gamers Against Weed were recovered that appear to reference the creation of SCP-C869. The discussion in question is believed to have occurred sometime in early 2024.

Grimage joined the channel.
_FuddruckeR_: are ya winning grimage
Grimage: well,
Grimage: i found out that this dude i used to hang out with is in the state senate.
Grimage: as a republican.
kkrule: goddamn
kkrule: worst that happened to any of my friends is becoming a q anon guy
PINK_SCARE: :(
Grimage: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Concord1
VioletFright: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/11/Mike_Concord.jpeg2
VioletFright: first interview at mcdonalds lookin ass
_FuddruckeR_: businessman stock photo lookin ass
Grimage: voted to scrap lgbt healthcare protections lookin ass
SxNxIxFxF: he smells like a bitch
SxNxIxFxF: lookin ass
Grimage: posted memes about hitting protesters with a car lookin ass
kkrule: wait are we doing ad hom here or not
Grimage: you guys can do what you want. I'm just like…
Grimage: this dude took me to the capital-l Library.
Grimage: we learned wizard shit together.
PINK_SCARE: The wizard shit bond is nothing to trifle with.
Grimage: and now he wants to put my mom in a camp.
PINK_SCARE: Wait.
PINK_SCARE: WAIT
Grimage: ?
PINK_SCARE: BLUNTFIEND
bluntfiend: sup pinkie
PINK_SCARE: LOOK WHO IT IS
PINK_SCARE: UPSCROLL
bluntfiend: Hooooly shit.
_FuddruckeR_: you know this dude?
bluntfiend: Yeah, he used to be in here.
Grimage: no way.
bluntfiend: He was before your time, Grimage. I'm kind of surprised fudd doesn't know him, though.
_FuddruckeR_: i'm bad at faces, what was his username?
bluntfiend: DarthPancake96
_FuddruckeR_: GOD
_FuddruckeR_: of COURSE that douche gets into politics
VioletFright: what the fuck
VioletFright: reddit.com
Grimage: i am trying so fucking hard to take this seriously right now but,
Grimage: darth pancake nintey six.
kkrule: wait this dude is darthpancake?
PINK_SCARE: What's so funny about his username?
bluntfiend: It's like… normcore.
Grimage: it's cringe.
VioletFright: use the spork, luke
bluntfiend: He was only around for like six months in 2017, but he made an impression.
kkrule: sup everyone it's me Obi Waffle Kenobi and today i'm doing voter suppression
_FuddruckeR_: i thought he was just some shithead but he was already a fucking mayor?
Grimage: okay yeah we stopped hanging out in like 2015 cuz i skipped town.
_FuddruckeR_: i find your lack of epic bacon disturbing
bluntfiend: It doesn't surprise me, honestly.
bluntfiend: We had to get rid of him because A) he was constantly backseat modding, B) he made some of the girls in here uncomfortable, and C) he said the n word.
Grimage: lol
kkrule: he sucked shit at magic too
VioletFright: bagel yoda
bluntfiend: Well yeah, but that's not against the rules.
Grimage: what a jackass.
SxNxIxFxF: i am buttering your toast
SxNxIxFxF: pray i don't butter it any further
harmpit: starwars jeok
bluntfiend is now known as Ham_Solo.
Grimage: come to the dark side, we have superpacs.
PINK_SCARE: *frantically googling star wars quotes and breakfast foods*
Ham_Solo: It's a frappe!
kkrule: Poptarts! UNLIMITED POPTARTS!

[107 additional messages have been removed for brevity's sake.]

Grimage: haha jesus christ.
_FuddruckeR_: these are not the scones you're looking for
Grimage: man can i be real for a second? I'm having capital-f Feelings.
kkrule: sure. we can do that, right guys? give grim some space?
bones: Everyone settle down.
Grimage: thanks bones, thanks kkrule.
Grimage: anyways,
Grimage: when i was a kid i thought mike was the coolest. He took me under his wing.
Grimage: of course, now that i look back, i think he was trying to like. Redpill me.
Grimage: luckily, being dumb enough to hang out with him also meant i was dumb enough to not pick up on it. Lol.
SxNxIxFxF: i turned myself into a republican, morty!
SxNxIxFxF: i'm pickle reich!!
Grimage: but like,
Grimage: he helped me figure out how to use my powers, let me stay at his place once when things were bad at home…
SxNxIxFxF: oh sorry i didn't see the stop order
Grimage: he even talked me through my first breakup.
Grimage: i wouldn't be nearly as good at this stuff as i am now if he wasn't there for me.
Grimage: god i can't believe i let this guy get to me. I feel gross.
Grimage: okay i'm done.
Ham_Solo: You're like a million times cooler and smarter than Mike ever was, Grim.
PINK_SCARE: I think we've all had someone gross worm their way into our life when we didn't know any better. It's not a reflection on you.
Grimage: thanks, guys. It means a lot to me.
Ham_Solo is now known as bluntfiend.
Grimage: so anyways, someone should kill this motherfucker.
Grimage: PARODY. HYPERBOLE. I'M KIDDING.
_FuddruckeR_: legalize crystal fucking grimage
Grimage: but for real i wanna pakoosh his career.
Grimage: hey violet?
LeiaOatmeala is now known as VioletFright.
VioletFright: i am not siccing the dollhouse on a sitting politician if that's what you're asking
VioletFright: i don't need that kind of heat right now
Grimage: what the fuck is the dollhouse? I thought you could do curses.
VioletFright: nah man i just have like an army of haunted dolls for some reason
VioletFright: besides this is your beef, you gotta run point on it
bluntfiend: Yeah. Send him a message, let him know it's you.
Grimage: i can edit pictures with my mind lol wtf am *i* gonna do
Grimage: DENTIST, revengomancy is your thing, right?
Yes.
bones: DENTIST, please use the text input field normally. We've discussed this.
DENTIST: My apologies.
DENTIST: Grimage, that is an apt description of my abilities.
Grimage: awesome. You in?
DENTIST: If I lent my assistance, your grudge would physically obliterate Mr. Concord.
DENTIST: I am told this is not acceptable.
Grimage: f
kkrule: i fucking love you dude
DENTIST: Thank you, kkrule.
kkrule: man grimage you coulda asked me, this is right up my alley
Grimage: oh shit i forgot, lol.
kkrule: i got some stuff i wanna try, hit up my dms so we can hash this shit out
Grimage: there is no try, kkrule.
Grimage: only do or donut.
bluntfiend: gottem lmao

rating: +2+x
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