Talloran Shoots Archduke Franz Ferdinand


fuck you

In perpetuity, that ghastly voice is present in a cavity of space beyond his head, or perhaps wrapped in a sick place tucked away in his skull where he can't quite get at it to ease the death-rattle. Its tenor is throaty and yet clear as a church bell (though it brings the same instinctive pang of dread in Talloran's chest), and its every word is laced with the thick and raw hatred that only obsession brings, a spiral of millennia of lovingly-tailored horrors, madness deep and incorrigible, as it speaks.

"do it pussy"


"do it or your gay"

"I've been married to a man for 11,865 of these years!…???"

"lol candyass"

"I'm not fucking starting World War I."

"great war"



"…A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The f—"


"The FitnessGram pacer t—"

"2017 called they want their copypasta back"

"War has changed. ID-tagged soldiers carry ID-tagged w—"

"stop trying to buy time and pull the trigger or im sublimating your fucking dog"

"Class: Euclid. Aliases: Agent Ukelele, Francis Wojciechoski, That Bastard. Source: SCP Wiki. Archetypes: Power (All-Powerful), Gay, Father Figure, Feral Scientist, Monster Features, Eye Imagery, Unkempt Man, White. Years active: 2008-Present. Doctor Alto Clef is a member of senior research staff at the fictional SCP Foundation. He is the author avatar of scp-wiki.com user DrClef. Basic Information: The nature of the SCP Wiki is such that there is no canon for Clef or any other recurring character, and his characterization tends to vary based on author. However, he is widely considered to be extremely powerful (according to some stories, he is a Type Green, or a reality bender), and is known for his morally questionable choices, both in service of his employer (itself morally gray) and against its wishes. His sexuality is depicted differently depending on the author as well, at times he's depicted as asexual, potentially had a child with a nature goddess and/or another reality bender, and has been depicted as being in a relationship with fellow researcher Dr. Benjamin Kondraki. Sexification Notes: Despite his frequent canon descriptions as ugly, he is often drawn as much prettier, younger, and thinner than he is. Any drawings of him with monstrous features (three eyes, sharp teeth, etc.) are arguably canon. His personnel file describes him as having three eyes (one blue, one green, one hazel) and a grin like the Cheshire Cat. Like most if not all researchers at the SCP Foundation, he is a feral scientist.2" By the way, if you've read this far, the deadly neurotoxins embedded in this page should be kicking in about now, shutting down your brain's ability to reflexively breathe. Fuck you. fuc

"pull the trigger, jamesy." A blue-haired girl, covered in bandages and trembling, is wheeled in on a gurney, IVs running into both wrists. She affixes Talloran with a gaze from her single visible eye, intensely red. "or rei will have to do it again."

"Yeah, bitch." Rei pulls out a bong, taking a massive rip. "Bitch-ass Food Network watching-ass dessert-ordering-ass Ford driving-ass high-waisted-pants-ass Victorian puppet boy-ass podcast listening-ass Pilates-ass menthol smoking-ass designated driver-ass anemic-ass Carseat Headrest listening-ass biiiiiitch." She exhales. "Bet you a G you won't do it, bitch."

"You're running out of ideas at this point."

"i thought of this last night actually. do you like it"


"im the joker baby"

"Okay now you're just making shit up."

"yeah" 3999 fucking attacks and shoot talloran with a rainbow beam and then ufkcing, i dunno nekobright is there, what do you people want from me. like he goes "NYAAAA~~" and then starts 40 years of global unrest or something? god. im not googling that. whatever

Talloran accidentally pulls the trigger propelling the bullet which killed Archduke Franz Idontfeellikecheckingthespellingofthisname, because he's a little bitch who has never handled a gun in his life.3, thus closing the time loop. i hope the wikidot servers explode

wait i just remembered i said id put sex in this.4 and then talloran gets rawed in the austrian countryside by joker (from the joker (2019)) and that was the actual cause of world war 1 because it sounded kind of like a cat getting kicked repeatedly crossed with that one video of the guy in a spiderman costume. the end

fuck you

rating: +11+x
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